In my recent re-immersion in the latest business and marketing literature, I was reminded of the term ‘Sonder’. This concept of sonder was coined by John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. It refers to the realization that everyone you meet is living a life as vivid and intricate as your own.
The notion of sonder resonates deeply with me. See, I’ve always wanted to know the story behind the story. Understanding the nuanced path that led to a particular outcome or a particular person’s situation. Internally, I always named this my ‘third level’ perception. This was an attempt to make sense of why I don’t have the ability to just accept things at face value, the curse of asking too many ‘whys’ and consequently making life much more complex than what it needs to be. I won’t digress and delve into my definition of the three levels of perception, but suffice to say that some people are built to ‘see’ deeper.
The Wonder of Sonder
As a marketer your fundamental starting point is to understand those you seek to serve with a value proposition. My professional roots are in the discipline of Segment Marketing, and core to that is designing value propositions. Our simplistic definition of a value proposition was: The total bundle of benefits that the customer buys from you. This definition continually forced us to think through every single aspect of interaction with the customer, and understanding how this interaction fits into his or her life. The foundation of deriving a value proposition, therefore always start at understanding the the target segment that the you intend to reach. And that brings me back to sonder.
For me, the best exercises of dwelling in this notion of sonder, were the ordinary places of life. In the queue at the bank (yes, in those days people still visited a bank branch), or in the queue at the supermarket on the other side of the track from where you normally roam. It is these mundane situations that really allow you to ‘see’ people. To take a moment and think, really think, about how they live. What are their hopes, dreams, fears, and struggles? What are their stories, motivations, and values? Where does the category of your product or service, really fit into their lives?
Sonder, Our Gateway to Empathy
This kind of immersion gives you the profound opportunity to think with your heart, with empathy. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
A focus on empathy in business and leadership is not new. Further to the definition above, Dr Daniel Goleman defines three levels of Empathy. Cognitive Empathy refers to the ability to fully understand the perspective where another person is coming from. Emotional Empathy refers to not only understanding where the person is coming from, but having the ability to feel with the other person. Lastly, there is Empathic Concern, referring to understanding and feeling with the other person, but also being compelled to action by this concern.
Do We Really Embrace Empathy?
In pondering empathy, I wondered why there is such such a lack of authentic emotional connection in how many businesses engage customers. The three levels of empathy gave me some insight.
We are at a time in history, where marketing is so much more scientific than before. We have an enormous amount of data about our target customers. We know exactly on which marketing channels to find them at a particular day of the week and time of the day. We know the keywords that they use and exactly where they are in the buyer journey. Our marketing is effective because the social media posts, landing pages, funnels and email nurturing sequences are continuously fine-tuned through conversion-optimisation experiments.
At a functional level, as a customer, I do derive benefit from it, since I get products and services that I (possibly) need within my digital frame of reference. However, as I get into more funnels and more email nurturing sequences, there definitely are winners and losers when it comes to capturing a heart connection with me.
The winners are the businesses where I can feel heart and authenticity. Where the value they offer resonate with me. Where there is a ‘for good’ notion displayed through generosity, and an authenticity that doesn’t leave me feeling that I need a quick shower to wash of the sales pitch.
Marketing Science and Empathy
There is a generation of marketers who pride themselves in empathy and understanding their exact buyer personas with a great degree of granularity. Perhaps, most commonly in this era, empathy stops at cognitive level, lacking the emotion and the real intention to help the sliver of society that they serve.
Perhaps, the very efficient generation of marketers schooled predominantly in the era of Web 2.0, and marketing science, could benefit from their own version of ‘supermarket immersion’, to embrace empathy at a deeper level.
Because, I think, that having heart shows in how a business engages customers. And now, in an era where AI allows marketers to do so much more, so much quicker, and with so much more precision, I think business who show their authentic hearts, may just have the better chance to win a place in mine.
How to Leverage Sonder, to Evolve Empathy and Show Up Authentically
While by no means the full and final list, here are some things any business can do:
- Rediscover the heart of your business – Why are you really serving these customers? Why should they trust your business with their hard-earned money and precious time? What is your real value proposition to them?
- Build your sense of wonder by embracing sonder – Connect deeper with the people behind your customers, beyond the numbers and the buyer personas.
- Engage authentically, humbly and consistently – humble authenticity builds trust and consistency builds confidence. This will earn you your place in your customers’ hearts.
- Always be curious – always make sure you get feedback to keep it real with your customers.
If you need the help of an experienced Business and Marketing Strategist to guide you on this journey, I’d love to connect.